Bitter Rich Fool

                                       Part 3.5

                             ****   9   ******  lucky me again

___Brent woke up to a scream in the night.  A howl of some creature disturbed and flitters of burning light outside danced in the windowpane as Brent's dreary mind sprung alive lazily.
"I'll kill everyone of you sons of bitches! Get the law called on me, I'll burn your carcasses and leave the bones for strays!"
 ___ This burst obviously came from Mr. Stevens.  Jill even caught a bit of the rant as she stirred in bed.  Brent went to the window and there was Mr. Stevens in his house coat and boots drinking whiskey from the bottle while holding a burning Maltav cocktail.  Brent could hear the raccoons scatter from the garbage in the back of the house.  Mr. Stevens took a stumbling run and threw the cocktail into a group of retreating animals.  They scurried quickly away and it didn't seem that any were injured.  Brent watched the old man as he collapsed and knelt down on the ground watching the fire burn up scortching the lively lawn and dying out in the cool night.  Brent felt like he understood the man a little more in seeing his sad nature quietly.
____We all die.  It doesn't matter if your worth a million dollars, have a thousand kids, invent the most amazing thing ever, you are expendable. 
____Mr. Stevens stared blankly into the advertising box in his living room.  He rolled around thoughts inspecting loopholes and options. He did this process frequently with no avail.  He eventually forgot what he was doing in the first place.  This kept him sharp, but his information was all mixed up.  He couldn't differentiate reality from fiction.  He didn't know the difference between the truth and fiction, most of which he had made up without  recalling his true meaning.  This left him uneasy and often afraid of everything outside of himself and outside of his control, because with all this time checking facts and separating created meaning from true meaning had robbed him of most organizational ability.  He drove himself mad when deciding on dinner for the evening.  The proper placement of silverware and a thousand thoughts on ettiquite, dining, and entertainment filled his head, beckoning him to make everything perfect.  In reality he was surrounded in a mess.  Yes it was often tidy, but no place of comfort.  He often sat in his room enjoying a book, because the insanity would die down behind the words.  He would often not even absorb what he had read, but just sit there calmly running his eyes over the words and mouthing or humming a slight tune as he did so to balance with the piercing silence of his lonely dark hollow.
___look out

Filter The Breath You Expel, Diverge In Altruism

=====5===== Next To Nothing

It will all even out he thought as he rubbed his sweaty hands on his pants.  He was inside the station looking through aisles avoiding eye contact with the stocky droog at the checkout window.  The colors and the lights were making his head hurt, he quickly looked out to make sure the car was in the same place he had left it moments ago.  He grabbed a bag of gummy worms and a large energy drink, opening and consuming them at the counter.  The attendant looked at him with twinges of disgust and said
"That all for ya partner." blandly. 
"Yeah that's it." the man replied with a choking slurping speech. 
Life is made up of these awkward encounters.
He reached for the door as a strange electrical feeling rose from his feet to his spine.   fear, instinctual, habitual.  Everything was quiet after his foot squeaked in it's place.  He looked down into his drink, and red on the label "caffine-free".  He turned to look at the attendant
"I..."
The beast stood there in the ripped flesh of the attendant.  The entire window was splattered with blood.  The skeletal remains twitched and  bounced blue in the dimmed light.  The man stared into the darkness underneath the flesh, and saw a glimmer of a black  eye.  He saw teeth and twitching body parts, nerve endings flipping around with stripped muscle tissue.  As the man pulled the door open the thing started scraping at the glass with a mix of broken finger bone and what could only be a claw.  Out the door he could hear a shriek.  He looked back to see the mashed attendants head poking through a spider webbed opening in the bulletproof glass.
   He ran.   it wasn't the first time he had to.

$$$$$$6$$$$$$ You Bought And Sold Your Love.

Sadly enough nothing is ever enough.  Looking through the library for a few books to read.  Read them on the train.  Get home and don't help but think that it's oddly disabling.  It's critically sedating.  Rub eyes, rub face, be alive.  Maybe shave.  Likely to misbehave without haste. 

listening to the see

Liquid in the ear
smoke in the lung
dirt in the eye
the cold steel barrel
the unlit hills

dreams, dreaming, falling, swimming in them
hope to control them, to escape
old emotions swim to the surface
memories and names are now in the front of the back of the mind
unconscious subconscious deliberation
don't can't won't
one letter, one message, one call
could change a life forever
one scowling question can destroy
and in moments of pure loneliness
when the world has turned it's back completely
these are the things that awaken
and this is why they want to die
this is why it's so hard
to trudge through
when every choice seems like a mistake
and in the wake of action
the passion
the loss
the heart contorts, confronts the mind
blind from lust and passion, distraction
drink, smoke, be merry
choke, cough, failing
realization of decision
understanding mistakes
sometimes this takes years
sometimes it never happens in a life
it must be so easy being ignorant
never eating from the forbidden tree
never waking up from the American dream

Full stomach, dry eyes
Can't see no future
can't understand why
we all got problems
and it's all wrong
got to get it while ya got it
because you don't have long
I'm a hard skinned lover
I'm an easy mellow man
I'm sick of this impossible prison
it's more than I can stand
but you know I need you baby
oh, you know I did you wrong
but please, please, please
don't leave me so all ----- alone

The music stops
it all sounds good when you don't know what it means
it hurts more when you do

Christian Health and Economic Stimulus

Rep. Danny K. Davis of my district whom represents me in the House of Representatives has an earmark in the upcoming stimulus bill. It is 1.3 million dollars for a christian medical center. Now it sounds good on the outside, if your not me I suppose. I think about the fact that it is a "christian" health center. Separation of church and state should prevent stimulus money for our economy going towards something with such a blatant religious base. Why are we using money to create jobs for people in the medical field whom I never thought there was a problem finding jobs in the first place. There are so many opportunities for people going into the medical field in Illinois. This makes me wonder if Davis rode into office through health care dollars. I could think of a lot of other things that 1.3 mil dollars could go toward which would benefit the demographic of the unemployed much more. I don't believe this project will do much for our economy.
If anyone has watched the news lately they see the new "war at home" with the Mexican drug cartels. This is a result of our countries narrow minded action in the "war on drugs". Drug use has been demonized in America even though the deadly use of alcohol and tobacco is rampant. Our prisons are full of non-violent drug crimes costing American people millions a year. Imagine a world where you had the right to consume what you choose without threat of the strong armed government. I think drug related crime and violence would dissipate overnight. What is there left to fight over if there is no underground drug problem. Drugs are never going to go away. People don't change because of the legality of a substance. Your life is yours and if you are not hurting other people then you should have the right to do as you choose. The government lets us corrode our livers and blacken our lungs and make money off of it. They imprison people on the basis of laws started in a time when the world was afraid of everything. It is said the war on drugs was started because Nixon didn't want people protesting the Vietnam war. So a crackdown on drug users to him was a crackdown on the opposition.
MDMA also known as Exstacy is now being used to treat people with treatment resistant PTSD. The drug was originally a prescription drug used for counseling between couples. Some kids started abusing it as kids tend to do with anything just look at alcohol related deaths in teens. Therefore to protect people they took away something that could be a valuable tool in therapy. Now it is a nother substance demonized as well. Mushrooms, another evil substance is now being proven to help with spirituality, and gives a sense of completeness, something I believe we all lack. Regardless of your views we have a constitution which states that anything not outlined in the constitution is decided by the states and the people. The war on drugs is in direct defiance of that, and is used as a political tool by politicians and pundits.