towing

I used to think I'd never be able to live or die. I thought that things would just slow down and moments pass by. The winds of change are powerful. The might they use to carry me place to place. the lack of restraint in my cost and waste. I hold my mouth shut and keep my pace only long enough to grow some and then fade with no grace.
Bitter wine in my mouth, I've shunned so much and it's not even down. Down is crawling getting to, from, or away. shattered limbs and bones that can break, broken laws and broken homes, broken watch forever running late. Total recollection, sudden depression, instant regression, alllllllllllllll of the above.
distant
(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((damaged
******************damned
r^ght now I'm wishing away pain.
$tretching muscle and vertebrae
calculating co$t and disarray
palpitations of the heart aren't going away
flickers of nothing that I make into something
leave no words of worth left to say

I think way too much

well we turned wrenches til we drew blood then spun once around again
the battles that we have won hard not to say we are losing it
I'm pestilent and part of the problems we all drunkenly speak of
you are just a strolling bomb that I had seen before

some dreams they exhaust us to where we all want to give up
you're hands get cramped and you think you cant put pressure on anything anymore
poisoned by lead we can barely hold the world up struggling ankles draggin' all across the floor
it hurts just to look in the mirror thinking everything that is made for you
one and all one and the same we got ideals, ideas, and our families so strange
we got the dandelions in the summer time floating away whitening things as they rise

some day they'll have glass houses and stones but you know we have to pay
dark trees talk to me and they don't have much left to say
I'm losing my particles in the spaces in between
try makin' my mind again but it's tuggin at the sleeve
you know it's colder when the snow has frozen over top
common nature is the enemy and god I think I'll just float on
given up on a residence this bottom mirrors the top
stylize your life around everything your eyes have caught

we wasted all our lonely hearts
walking from home to work to love to art
seen a bit too much of dirty earth now just stare at stars
we see straight angles splitting up from the floor
slanted lines just pantomiming what we hope they are
and old gargoyle got a hopeless standing post
these spirits don't scare they'll stare you in the eye
lets untie these splintering ropes

stage 1:
you give up on everything
stage 2:
you realize what is important
stage 3:
invest in reality
stage 4:
wade through faded moments in living eternity
endless aggression and want for more
cynicism debate and introspect to the core

The Thinking Primate and His Ubiquitous Lacks

Act !

a man tunes a piano in an empty music store. The store is filled with memorabilia from early 20th century American music. It smells like fragrant wood polish and books. Light enhances the elegant smoothness of the instruments on display.
He hits the E key and picks up that perfect tune. Man that is nice. The strings inside bounce with him as his foot pedals in time. Moving quickly into a sprawling melody. Fading daylight shines in and hits him just right. What a good sounding machine.
In his face his soft happy stare is sticking. It's glitching and jerking to the side. His fingers can't hit the keys right. The sound of wood creaking shimmers with the rest of the sound waves growing in a disjointed harmonic way. Strings stretch to points unintended and snap. They shoot up from the still resonating black piano like snakes with quivering bent metal sounds. His face is withering piece by piece while paying no attention to the wound creatures snapping at him from inside the beast holding him there. He glitches to skeletal mass and muscular membrane while retaining demeanor and class. The white keys smear with blood and fingers slip off in spastic intervals as slick tissue and smooth bone try to play with the same intensity as before.

ACT@

Howl beneath your tired eyes. Dream quiet and hopeful. I wonder what happened to those people who felt those ways back in the days who displayed so much taste. I know someone out there is the same way. The same bold hearts and long eyelashes. Kissing on cheeks.
So many fakes impostors. You can't hold onto something. You can't help anyone all the time, or expect to be helped in everything. Be silent behind closed eyes. Watch the picture frames light up and disappear back into your mind.

ACT#

10946
(F)

27000 = 30×30×30 = 3³×10³ Approximately the number of days in an expected lifetime for most readers of this page

(F)


ACT$

Faux sleep and sickness. Faux need and posession. Fake care and admiration.
Build and build. Rate yourselves and everyone else. Buy, buy, bye.
Our names don't carry any weight, but our bodies and minds do. I guess we can never have enough.

oh oh oh oh
talk to me
tell me of your amazing things
your honest thoughts and special dreams
guide me, take a hand and make sure you are ready
take a step when your feet get heavy
spin, spun, turning in sync
i can't compel you to compel me
i can have anything I want but I want substance
mental subsistence
pages turned glorious millions of pages
of words of growth and life and help
of positivity, out of poverty, out of love
i want juxtaposition and reposition
of endless fruition
the way I don't want to make you uneasy
or too easy, or anything anyone wants us to be
whats this hip new now on and on and on

I've got seeds for everything
too many planted for me to be so empty
hollowed out like cast bronze, patina fading my soul
rust copper grind metal blood blood blood
makes the green dolllars grow drill sergant
worth nothing something anything everything
worth a second, a brif one where we kiss and tussle our hair while i slide
I slide into fear and dwindling self worth
I can do a million beautiful things but what is it worth
when I can't speak my mind about falling in love
how can I live without love
life, is life, is life, is empty sometimes
I will hold onto the idea of you, I will
I will hold on too small conversations with you
your eyes, oh eyes that spin around the room
they cant focus i'm not comfortable
this could be weird, hope, help, hope
oh that hair and that beauty
god forgive us and forsake the rest, no profound demon
will lay in his nest,old hope
old arms old smile
old dreams I may be enough
when you say you are done
done is done and fun is fun,
you, rich in soul, rich in life
been held a million more times
I'm lost, I'm lost in admiration and exhaltation, rich poor and
dead
dead
dead
dead
dead
desolate destination the fasts far from devilation
deviation, retaliatory tactics to battle back handed
fanatics, to subvert, submiss, and subject the
train wreck of you life into little shelves with
paperweights and staples, with gorgeous drapes
and capes, living in caves, feeling off our animals.
I'm a collective thought and aparition
a full fledged monotone methadone century

a convo in the key of M

the sounds of the snaps, and the claps that we made
echoed and rolled, away with the train
no other place, felt quite the same
as I did when you said that you felt like you needed to breathe;
something new and extreme

I thought way too much and it wasn't enough
my mind is stuffed with too many ideas
I want it all I want everything,
I want to wake while I dream and then sleep
sleep off all of the weight and the fate
the destiny that too soon will consume me
it's all that I see
you have holes in your theory and I'm growing weary
of righting the wrongs in our history
so please leave it be

Fairness to the Fiend

Fairness to the Fiend


I brushed up against the lake
in blossoming lights
the moon and skyscrapers
cold gusts swelling by

in shattered mirror waves
a rolling current played
tattered wisps of beauty
made my hungers fade

this costly process is not lossless
and sticky thoughts rip through
-------each time they tear
I fade with them
I hate this time of year

I tell myself she will appear like a rocket in my face. She will smile and know at first glimpse there is no other man but me, and I feel the same. I feel like if it isn't her then there is not a her. I tell myself it will last forever, and be just right. I'm not like normal people. I don't have all the shared experiences and often live a much more dramatic life. Those others, whom I know and associate, actually I consider us outsiders. The pack that picked a different draft. you colored me, you colored me red and now I know. I know I live and breathe and affect everyone, everything. I build and grow and learn and read. I've seen a thousand and one lives through pages alone. Mark Twain still rests on my brain as I fall asleep alone.
i have a feeling that life has more tricks up it's sleeve. Things I've heard but never really learned, desperate for answers but draw no hopes in return. My days are cool walks and watching faces. i'm a bore and i've got to face it eventually learn to embrace it.
Oh the smoothness of everything. A world full of hollow clanking machines, humming strange things so sudden changing. Oh television your guiding moralistic way. Your twisted mind and vast array, your guns, wounds, crime, drama, and comedy. Oh radio your sounds mysteriously familiar and surprising. still the children cry, still the grown fight, fuck, and die. Bow, da bow dow, boom, chicka, boom chick
seriously deciding which go to the way
bricks plaster casted in artificial wake
in builderly decay, in silent sustain
I catch the air and the warmth of a home sweet. Everyone thought the best they could be was much smaller than what they were. What we were, who we are, grown together, we made it so far. You equal, all knowing on nothing at all against the wall, begging for description decision just about anything you can swing or grab, nab or stab, filter or fillet, diced sliced and demented with dismay. Splintered shivers all down my spine and no mind can betray with so little to say. Goodbye sorrow, goodbye greed, we bed farewell once before, and I must say goodnight again.

with whole open eyes veined and shining in alley light fade and zoom to look and adjust to the ferocity of the street light. to change ways mid flight. Lets cradle the earth as it once died. I will die and lay decaying for this and every other night, till life suffices to devices that derive to destruction, reducing the value of human kind. Or any kind at all. You are I am we are all together. So don't run, don't run like a pig from a gun go fight. Go fight for your right to whatever. To whenever. Whatever.
Smoke your cigarettes dyers out in the safety of the street. I gaze and all I can get is more distance from me. Ernest says I'm afraid, but he also says something about a camp. I tell him his legs are cold and he needs better pants. He says he is paralyzed and can't feel it anyway. I fade. I'm lost, I always lose myself a little bit. I met a lot of people tonight, made some people happy, and that's what holidays are about right? I'm lost loving lone like bullshit all the time. I'm six fingers in and it's once again time for the knife.
Every time I get a little bit I want more, need more, fiend for more. Of tingling nerve endings, sensations, thrills, and amusing things. oh your eyes, damnit. oh your bittersweet face. your cosmic placement is a strategic encasement working against me. Not with or along, not awake and alarmed, like the tide you rise and you fall, your eerie noise echoes in my thoughts. be gone going gone everyone, your done, enough, sorry for you but gravity will not suffice. Elm trees you're in my mind, You a Birch splintering bark in winter light. Olive branches are lost and floating in the river of night. The dove lay in it's cage, wasting it's spirit through each age.

I wanna be
what everyone wants to be
alright I've got a few dollars
and a place to sleep for the night
I got places to be
great things to see and ignite
brand into memory
each falling tide each turning leaf
shadows of apprehension and belief
disguised is the life
disguised it hides
under thick skins and wound wrists
inside of bloodshot eyes
in open veins
wrenching in ecstatic pain
hazed blue in cold snowy lamplight
grimace and awe
guilty as sin but what is this sin we are in
totally devoid demolished destroyed
hey hey hey we blazed today
we watched open pores as it pours
liquid cement can't lament
this tired and tolled light
on forward crackling out into the night

eyes eyes open and release
proteins and chemical relief
bending the system to sleep
wake up wake up understand
we were created strangled and debated
we are bound and gagged with grocery bags
drowning from conscious delights
this sight isn't right I might
hide and cough away the rest of me
I might as easily have been
what I could possibly be
waking in summertime
with sweet dreams still in my mind
where happiness may fairly lie
dazed and defeated gone with the wind
and gone in sin
that discipline wont make you win
shake in the dark
embarking on this journey will surely
devastate and no longer relate
to anything, anyone, once it's begun
once destiny's web is spun

Someone
builds the future
someone can be a pronoun or a noun
an unknown force to be found
between the liars and thieves
between you and me
the spaces unseen
dimensions beneath the beneath
twisted up in time
dragging the coattails of endless release
infinite grief
I'm in need and I bleed
when cut and shut up
shut up everything
everything doesn't mean a thing to me
lone lost waiting, wanting, hating
spin old world and universe
spin and play
in the dismal spaces of reflexive decay
on dust, dirt, matter that will soon fade

be kind, be you
nothing more to say