I tell myself she will appear like a rocket in my face. She will smile and know at first glimpse there is no other man but me, and I feel the same. I feel like if it isn't her then there is not a her. I tell myself it will last forever, and be just right. I'm not like normal people. I don't have all the shared experiences and often live a much more dramatic life. Those others, whom I know and associate, actually I consider us outsiders. The pack that picked a different draft. you colored me, you colored me red and now I know. I know I live and breathe and affect everyone, everything. I build and grow and learn and read. I've seen a thousand and one lives through pages alone. Mark Twain still rests on my brain as I fall asleep alone.
i have a feeling that life has more tricks up it's sleeve. Things I've heard but never really learned, desperate for answers but draw no hopes in return. My days are cool walks and watching faces. i'm a bore and i've got to face it eventually learn to embrace it.
Oh the smoothness of everything. A world full of hollow clanking machines, humming strange things so sudden changing. Oh television your guiding moralistic way. Your twisted mind and vast array, your guns, wounds, crime, drama, and comedy. Oh radio your sounds mysteriously familiar and surprising. still the children cry, still the grown fight, fuck, and die. Bow, da bow dow, boom, chicka, boom chick
seriously deciding which go to the way
bricks plaster casted in artificial wake
in builderly decay, in silent sustain
I catch the air and the warmth of a home sweet. Everyone thought the best they could be was much smaller than what they were. What we were, who we are, grown together, we made it so far. You equal, all knowing on nothing at all against the wall, begging for description decision just about anything you can swing or grab, nab or stab, filter or fillet, diced sliced and demented with dismay. Splintered shivers all down my spine and no mind can betray with so little to say. Goodbye sorrow, goodbye greed, we bed farewell once before, and I must say goodnight again.

with whole open eyes veined and shining in alley light fade and zoom to look and adjust to the ferocity of the street light. to change ways mid flight. Lets cradle the earth as it once died. I will die and lay decaying for this and every other night, till life suffices to devices that derive to destruction, reducing the value of human kind. Or any kind at all. You are I am we are all together. So don't run, don't run like a pig from a gun go fight. Go fight for your right to whatever. To whenever. Whatever.
Smoke your cigarettes dyers out in the safety of the street. I gaze and all I can get is more distance from me. Ernest says I'm afraid, but he also says something about a camp. I tell him his legs are cold and he needs better pants. He says he is paralyzed and can't feel it anyway. I fade. I'm lost, I always lose myself a little bit. I met a lot of people tonight, made some people happy, and that's what holidays are about right? I'm lost loving lone like bullshit all the time. I'm six fingers in and it's once again time for the knife.
Every time I get a little bit I want more, need more, fiend for more. Of tingling nerve endings, sensations, thrills, and amusing things. oh your eyes, damnit. oh your bittersweet face. your cosmic placement is a strategic encasement working against me. Not with or along, not awake and alarmed, like the tide you rise and you fall, your eerie noise echoes in my thoughts. be gone going gone everyone, your done, enough, sorry for you but gravity will not suffice. Elm trees you're in my mind, You a Birch splintering bark in winter light. Olive branches are lost and floating in the river of night. The dove lay in it's cage, wasting it's spirit through each age.