lame duck

I'm tired of glazing over old ideas.  I don't know where to start, or where it ends.  I'm sad like someone who has lost something very dear to the heart and irreplaceable, and I don't know why.  I have held few things dearly.  I think I may hold my self or my life dearly, but not covet.  Never forever is over for me.

the repression that results in obsession

gold coin lay flat shadow slide slowly
money sign sign your check endorse here say
open sesame work work slave shallow
split coal load shovel to insanity

I see the glimmer of the green light on the pictures I make, and take from life's strange destinations and situations.  I inhale and sometimes forget that I have to breathe, but I always know I can bleed.  Maybe I shouldn't live like this, I think, in squalor and sorrow.  maybe I'm making up for what I lost before, lost or gave away.  Sometimes I wish god was rooting for me, sometimes maybe he is or was.  Maybe he exists but it's hard to differentiate between a pure thought and bullshit. I think my coping medicine is to run.  Not from a fight in the parks or roads and fields of screams, but in the mind.
I fall in love around 3 times a day, love at first sight.  Imagination quickly creates anticipation as i wait.
old it steady
don't get ready
pace set to cause pain and panting
heavy moans come from lit up homes
and in the darkness people are still happy, content, falling apart trying to be
or just not worrying
I think therefore I am depressed
I think therefore I am alone
I think therefore I amend my morals all the time
I want to be a fighting shadow a little black figure in the blind mans sight
I want it to be tomorrow, it seems today never comes out right


  1. WOW this is great Matty, truely great. Like wine, you get better with time :)

  2. thanks Wendie! the writing bug has bit me midsummer!