dragging knuckles

How can we walk with the weight of the past on our shoulders? Why are we all not faded by nature? Somewhere in my mind I think there is an answer to all of the questions but I lack the motivation to seek them out. Somewhere in the world someone surely has done it. If I knew what I should do in life I would do it, but I don't know, what it is, or what I want. I know what I like and what I love, but no words can push me into the future. I live for today, and right now. I get stuck in the past sometimes like a fly in a glue trap. Everyday things are disguised visions of the past. I see a bird or an ant, a spider or a dog and I imagine we are unique amongst ourselves. Do apes laugh? Could you tell an ape a simple one liner,and would it laugh? We are strange and so is the world around us it makes me wonder. What level of evolution are we at?