acid rainclowd

short on rent
I'm short on life
I'm the short end of the stick
ground meat inside of weak skin
I don't beg
I don't plead
I'm sick of being sick constantly
I can see
I can read the veins on your hand
I know where they lead
from fingertips to arteries
my favorite pastime is imagining
imagining that this is just a stupid dream
that everything isn't how it really seems
when someone spends a years worth of my salary
on one night in a restaurant drinking and eating
my other pastimes included bitching
being mean
and destroying
everything beautiful around me
I stare, stale, and soberly
after raging up a storm that only hurt me
that only burnt and buried me

old mr bones ridin' on his ship
the mast came down and spun him round
and over the side he slipped

you can't have love, you can't enjoy sex
your flesh is heavy you want to shed it
you can't wait, you can't speed it up
what you've lost doesn't matter
but what you stand to does

and they will cry
I will fall into the vat
the pieces will rise to the top
and you will stand away with misled eyes
you will wash away the part of you that hurts
when you see the part of me you love die
and the church bells ringing don't bring me
closer to god

two by stupid two
until you add one
then all the fun is done
then you better become someone
then it is dark if you don't succeed
it's dark anyway

we pass the time and get the dark things off our mind. we drink like heroes in the dark on the porch in our little rooms we cant' really afford. We blame the world, we love the world, that's why it's so hard
it's hard to forgive and forget that which me never ever really et that which we had not challenged that which haunts us for no reason
and the church bells ringing don't push me away fro a bad place, they don't do much at all. But the shadows cast outside through the vines and trees pull me apart and touch this fear that I still have after dying in my own mind in my own right n the wrong place in the wrong time line after vicious fucking line and I sigh
gateway disappears
it's just me just here just the hollow shackles of fear
just the bitter breath of fighting and beer
just the smell of rotten paint that we throw over everything we don't want to hear
black square after black square with no space to spare
with no hands or legs to repair
no bottomless pit to fill
no way to feel
no way to feel
no way to feel
that is
this is
this is enough, a stopping point.,...l,..k,,....k,,,,....
love is
love is searching through cabinets for whatever pills to take because our brain says medicine takes pain away,
love is
denial
love is
absence
love is not fucking when you just as well can
love is
intuitive
love is
what is
this is
feeble attempt
this is
dazing away
this is
finishing nothing that you started with even less
this is
death on a hill
this is
escaping
this is
holding your breath

gamble bamble bamble
follow the gold brick road
follow the president
follow the corporations
follow the sidewalk or the road
to the next little place you think you know
follow the creases and cracks the rocks that slip past
the trees and the weeds that grow back
follow me into a darker future history

leg drop soup
with chow pain noodles
drinking red headed ex wives
sharpening the kitchen knives
wearing the lovers disguise
breaking down insides
framing your imperfect mind
doing with out really trying
this is the time when you decide
when you collide
when you realize
there are worse things
than dying