As I sit here I think that it's quite possible I'll be alone forever
No one can relate to me
no on can understand
what truths the darkness holds
what screaming fear does not give faith to
I think the alcohol on my breath stinks
this dorm room is shit
the people on the street are worthless
and I am alone
Full of pity for myself
Reviewing all of my life's insignificance and pain
one and the same
My bloodshot eyes stess to squint
tears form and I'm whole again
a being, living, dying, real life god fearing
I want away
I want far away
life is not worth anything anythinganything
I want to throw this macbook out the window
I want to ball tears
I wan't to taste the salt of loss and never had
the salt of work is not worth living for
I expire to myself
I extinguish all on my own
I call to the dark in mumbled recitations
of all the loss I have had dealt and dealt with myself
I want to push the daisies
I want to hold the dirt like a blanket
I want to not have to think or feel about this place, my situations, or my motives ever, ever, again.
Great art and wonderful poetry! It's true, time heals nothing. Things that hurt you do not get easier with time, they just get more familiar. Why do we search for the unatainable, If it is unatainable. Does that really make any less alone? Your poem reminds me of the Long Black Veil song "Nobody knows, nobody sees, nobody knows but me"
ReplyDeleteThanks Wendie, I'm sure you can tell the impact Bukowski is having on the way I even think about writing. I'm getting more brutal and honest.
ReplyDelete